Two Weeks in to my Sabbatical

When I arrived at my current ministry, it was explained to me that once a pastor has been at the church for seven years, they were able to submit for a sabbatical. It seemed like a really cool idea. I had heard about them, but had never thought that it would be something that I would be able to do. You see, I am a middle school pastor and sabbaticals aren’t normally handed out to middle school pastors. Well, this past January marked my seventh year at my church and I submitted for a sabbatical….and it was accepted. I have not written a post in quite a bit and I figured that since I have nothing but time on my side, I will catch up a bit.

IT IS HARD TO REST

Why is it so hard to rest for an extended period of time? “I need a vacation.” “I wish I had more time in a day to get things done.” “Where did that year go?” We have all heard those words. Maybe you have said them yourself. I have. But what do we do with our rest? Our vacations are filled with go, go, go. We come back more tired than when we started. We want more time to get more work done. We wish that the months would slow down so we could enjoy the warmer months more. I am not exempt from being guilty of this.

GOD INTENDED US TO REST

I am not going to get into a theological debate about this. I understand the different perspectives, but I don’t think that one should too quickly overlook the fact that God rested on the seventh day after he had created the universe. Was it because he was tired? I don’t think so. If God wasn’t tired, why did he choose to rest? Could it be that it was for us? Could it be that he was setting a pattern for us to make rest a part of our regular routine? Is rest necessary only when we are exhausted? At what point does rest become laziness? I know I am asking a lot of questions, but have you thought about it? On a busy week in our house, some times the only rest I get during the day is when I escape to the restroom until my wife or one of my kids asks if I am almost done (sometimes I can milk it ten minutes or so).

I would venture to say that rest is as important as or work. I know that rest does not pay the bills, but it for sure can encourage one to refocus in order to do their work more effectively. When was the last time you took a day to just…rest?

TELL YOUR TIME WHAT TO DO

We all have the same amount of time in a day. We all have the ability to spend it wisely or foolishly. Rest is something that does not just happen. It needs to be set and guarded. It is like a budget. The purpose of a budget is not just to track your spending, but to tell your money where to go. It allows you to save and plan. Time is the exact same way. Resting is not a frivolity, but a necessity. I suggest that at the beginning of every week you budget some rest time. It could be squeezed into a lunch hour. You could wake up early one day a week before the rest of the house does. If you are able to, I would strongly encourage you to plan one day a month where you can get away and do something that you enjoy that fills your soul. Hiking, fishing, reading… Don’t let time take you captive. Capture it!

HOW AM I DOING?

I confess, my first two weeks of my sabbatical have not been very restful, I have seemed to replace my office hours with house projects. I AM GETTING STUFF DONE! I am tired. My wife and I just today, discussed on how we should spend our time on a daily basis so we are able to take advantage of this pile of time that has been allotted to us. Rest does not have to be costly, but I will guarantee you that if you don’t take time to fit it in, it will be costly to you and those around you.

 

 

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH & TRUST (PART 3 OF 3)

It is in the middle school years that so much change takes place. Physical, emotional, and relational changes take place at such an incredible pace. What used to be a high pitched little boy turns into a baritone voiced Young man over night. A sweet little girl transitions into a highly volatile concoction of inexplicable feelings (who still likes watching cartoons). A childhood friendship between two individuals of the opposite gender now takes a turn toward mutual attraction, or worse yet, only one sided attraction.

And as if matters could not worsen, throw in brain development. Middle Schoolers are shifting from concrete thinkers to becoming abstract thinkers. Their ability to process deep thoughts and emotions are developing. Developing, meaning that they will make mistakes with how they process and act upon this newly-realized ability. They need people to walk with them. Feeling isolated in these years is common (I remember it).

Isolation is the worst thing for middle schoolers. Cultivating an environment of trust is crucial. When someone gets to the moment that they realize they need to reach out and share what they are going through, there must be a net of trust beneath them.

Trust (as talked about in part 2), is established over time. There has been a lot of things in motion prior to someone sharing. First, and individual needs to identify something as a problem in their life. Second, they scroll through some of the people they feel they have the option to share this with. Next, they replay the possible outcomes of sharing. Will I be laughed at? Will my actions disgust them? What if they say nothing? Will they confirm my fear that I am the only one like me?

the moment of truth and trust

The moment of truth and trust (when someone shares). Does not have a given place that it takes place. It could be on a bus ride with your sports team. It could be in a bedroom at a sleepover. In the middle of home room, at a party, in a bathroom, on a retreat, over the phone…Sometimes one just reaches the point where they need to share or they feel like they will explode.

the moment of truth and trust (how to)

What do you do when someone determines YOU are the most trustworthy person, or the first person that they want to unload on? Here are five things to be mindful of

1. Is it life threatening?

If so? Get someone else involved immediately. If they are being harmed, or thinking of harming themselves, you are not the only person who needs to know. Your friendship may suffer, but their life is worth more than your friendship. Give them permission to be mad at you for a week, a month, or even a year. Get an adult involved (parents, teacher, pastor).

2. Listen, Listen, Listen…

A lot of times when someone first shares, they are not looking for you to talk. They themselves are hearing the words come out of their mouths for the first time in the presence of another person. James 1:19 informs us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. This is a good time to practice that nugget of wisdom.

3. Thank them.

The awkward time immediately following the heart gushing, be sure to thank them for trusting you to share what they did. Remaining silent is not helpful at this time. These simple words  can go a LONG way.

4. Don’t try to be Mr./Miss. fix it. 

A lot of times when someone drops a bomb (abstract phrase) on you, they are not initially looking for suggestions on how to make things right. Don’t try to fix it right then and there. Sit with them. Weep with them. journey with them.

5. Come up with a “plan of action” together.

Emphasize ” together”. Who else needs to be included in on this conversation if anyone? It may be that they just need you to be their accountability partner. But many times, it involves bringing other people into the conversation (parents, pastor, teacher, peer…)

the Word is the Word

So where in Scripture does all of this gush from?

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”  -1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)

Often times, one’s “way of escape” is by telling someone what they are going through. Remember, God never intended to be the only one who knows what you are going through. He has created us a relational beings.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up?” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (ESV)

Pretty plain and simple. Don’t walk alone.

evaluate your friendships

Think of your best friendship. Filter that friendship through these descriptions. Which one best describes it?

It is fun to jump in mud puddles, but it gets old quick. If you find yourself talking about things that you could talk with the person in front of you about in the line at Target (sports, girls/guys, video games, movies, clothing, phones…), your friendship may be surfacy and shallow. If your BEST friendship is surface and shallow, seek to take it deeper. Talk about what your day was like and how it made you feel. Take some of the very topics of conversation that you keep to the surface about and go deeper. For example, when talking about the latest and greatest move, try to pick up on any themes that you could apply Biblical truth to. It isn’t that hard. Some of the greatest movies are pretty parallel to The Gospel (the need for a hero to save the day)

You have gone deeper. You have established trust. You have moved from the mud puddle and walked out to the edge of the diving board on the deep end. You have identified things that you can share and you are pretty sure you can trust someone to share it with. JUMP!

You have jumped. You are trusting that the friends you lean on will support you. Keep on swimming in the pool of trust. Invite others to jump as well. Keep building trust.

Dave

Trust[worthy] Part 2 of 3

This post is a part of a series. Part 1 may be viewed here. 

My previous post I made the point of the need to share ones struggle and pain. In this post, I will share how trust is built/rebuilt in order to make sharing deeper things of the heart possible.

The odometer read 109,000 miles (give or take a few dozen). By no means was it a new, or even a flashy one at that, but it was mine. I was 18 years old and needed a car to commute back and forth to school my freshman year of college. That ’97 Chevy Luminia would be the car that I had all the way through college. It served as my wife and I’s main vehicle early on in our marriage. The maroon beast even made the 700 mile trek to Indiana when we moved from PA for me to take my current role at the church I serve at. In the end, that car ended up with 263,459 miles (that is an exact number). As I watched the tow truck take it away, I relived in my mind the very first time that I drove it.

Truth be told, the car was not very trustworthy toward the end of its days. It’s transmission leaked and would slip if you didn’t have a gentle foot when it would shift out of first gear. It burned oil, it kind of had power windows, the starter was off and on (that is why I would carry a hammer with me to beat on the passenger side floor to get it to turn), The engine would overheat on hot days, and the final straw was a blown muffler.

If you asked me if I was sad when it was towed away (for use in a demo derby I was told), I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. That was the car that my wife and I drove away from our wedding reception in. It was the car that took our first child home from the hospital. It was my first car. Having all of the issues it had, you may wonder why I still holding on to it? I guess it was the desire to get it to the 300k mark. I was willing to put up with sitting on the side of the road to wait for the engine to cool down before daring to start it. I would talk to it when it would not want to shift. I would pet the dashboard when it didn’t want to start. As I write this, I wonder where it is now. Part of me hopes that it has been scrapped, recycled, and the metal (which was not rusted) is now part of the body of a sleek roadster (wishful thinking).

If we were to replace my car’s untrustworthiness (my spell check is telling me that is not a word..I will keep it anyways) with a person who is not trustworthy, it would be fair to say that one’s friendship with that individual would not last. A relationship with a person is much different. A lack of trust in a friendship is like sugar in a gas tank (not good). It does not take too may breakdowns in a friendship to make one very weary of stepping back in the passenger seat with an untrustworthy person.

The Titanic was not built in a day

Lets move on to a different mode of transportation. Trust takes time to build. Did you know that it took two years and two months from start of construction to finish to build the Titanic? More than 15,000 men were employed to undertake the task of building the steel giant. * Like the Titanic’s construction, our relationships take time. Also like the construction, our relationships take time spent building trust. Frequency of interaction with someone is key in building trust. The Titanic was not able to build itself. Trust cannot be put on like a wig and give the perception of growth, there must be a period in which there is frequent interaction.

Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deed. Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. -Colossians 3:9,10 (NLT) 

Our basis for trustworthiness is becoming like God, our creator. The example of God’s character is like the blueprints that the builders labored to actualize as they built the Titanic. Our old sinful nature has been stripped off and replaced with the new. Lies are a trust breaker. A great way to build trust is to build it off of truth. God’s truth and His word.

Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered. -Proverbs 11:13 (NLT)

A second way to build trust in the climate of spending frequent time together is to be able to “keep covered” the words that are entrusted to you. It must be stated that there are two BIG things that never need to be kept covered. If someone tells you if they have been physically abused or if they are thinking about harming themselves (I will touch on this more in depth on the next post).

As you spend time together with a friend, common experiences will bring up topics of discussion and you or they may feel it necessary to share with each other bits and pieces from the innermost recesses of the heart. Things that have never been worded to a person. Guard these like precious jewels. They have been entrusted to you. Don’t go and spread them out for all to see, but hide them and invest in continued trust.

Friendship + Frequent Experiences Shared = Climate for Building Trust

Trust takes lots of time to build. Don’t expect to go from zero to 100 all at once. An over-simplified equation for building trust is, Friendship + Frequent Experiences Shared = Climate for Building Trust. I cannot stress the frequency aspect enough. I fear that we equate going to church and sitting in a pew is somehow going to build in us a sense of close community. Shared experiences and frequent experiences is a must.

The Titanic sunk in one night

At 11:40pm on April 14th, the Titanic struck and iceberg. *  The construction phase of the colossal task had taken a bit over two years to complete. According to experts combined with eye-wittiness accounts, it took less than three hours to sink. all of that hard work, time, and $7.5 million ($400 million in today’s economy) sunk to the bottom of the frigid North Atlantic Ocean. *

Trust takes time, time, and more time to build, but with one misgiving it can all be lost. Friendships that have lasted decades are able to be sunk with the careless words in a moment of misgiving.

The same muscular organ that can wax on so eloquently can also dump hot wax on ones head.

…a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. -James 3:4-6 (NLT)

The same muscular organ that can wax on so eloquently can also dump hot wax upon ones head. Being the recipient of a breach of trust is damaging. Being the instigator of such damage may have a larger price.

There are six things the LORD hates – no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hand that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family. -Proverbs 6:16-19 (NLT)

Let us call this passage the Hall of Shame (it is not good to have characteristics found on this list). This list if full of trust-sinkers. Note how the tongue is just part of a larger list of destruction. Weigh your words and actions with much care, they have the power to set your life on fire.     

How to rebuild trust

How do you reestablish trust in a sunken relationship? There have been many ideas on how to return the Titanic to the surface (at least portions of it). Some of the more questionable being, filling it with ping pong balls, pumping it full of boiling wax, sucking it to the surface with magnets, and my personal favorite…blowing it up with dynamite (yeah, that would work). *

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. -Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)

If forgiveness is the nest in which the egg containing renewed trust lay, Love is the incubating agent which allows the renewed trust to hatch.

In our house, forgiveness is not an option (four kids: 8, 5, and 3 year old twins). It may be a wood block to the head, a fist to the stomach, playfulness gone bad, an angry reaction to a ‘stolen’ toy… Forgiveness is a part of the apology. Trust is different, but trust cannot happen without forgiveness. Colossians does not let us step around forgiving one another, “so you also must forgive”. Trust is a bit different. Trust is earned back with time and much love extended by the party that was hurt.

If forgiveness is the nest in which the egg containing renewed trust lay, Love is the incubating agent which allows the renewed trust to hatch.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. -1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV) 

Renewed trust is never a one person job. It involves both the violator and the violated. We have all experienced times in our lives where our trust was broken by someone. We may have been the person at fault for it. If you have not experienced either, you will eventually. It takes two to build trust. It takes two to rebuild trust. One earning it, and one extending it.

I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite authors. Clive Staples Lewis wrote in his work, The Four Loves:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 

Take the risk of love. Be vulnerable. Build trust. Rebuild Trust. Re-extend it. Guard that which is entrusted to you like jewels. Love God. Love others.

-D

Honest to God (fooling your friends) | part 1 of 3

You are sitting on a lumpy couch in a youth room (the only place where lumpy and ugly couches are actually welcomed…sort of). To be specific, you are sitting on a cushion that obviously belongs to a different couch that months prior has found it’s ultimate rest in the church dumpster (I can sense you nodding your head knowing exactly what I am talking about). Like that lone remaining cushion, you feel isolated among your friends, many of which you have gone to school with since kindergarten. The topic of conversation at hand is how we can pray for each other. You have rehearsed the moment of courage many times in your head (the person before your turn is taking their turn). You have told yourself that this time is going to be the time that you spill the beans (you notice that your friend across the circle from you got new shoes and you make a mental note to tell them how much you like them….focus, focus). This is going to be the time that you open up about your true struggles, fears, pain & doubts. When it comes your time to share…you find yourself fall in step with your previous requests…grandma’s surgery, the history test on Friday, salvation of a friend, and ironically enough, the boldness to share your faith. Yet again, you were able to keep your real self hidden from those around you. You head off to another week where you actually convince yourself that as long as God knows, that is enough. After all, he is the one that truly knows your heart.

Sadly, I think that this scene is played out in more than just youth rooms…it is an epidemic that has crossed generational gaps, genders and race. We have no problem with being honest with God, after all, as a follower of Christ we realize that we can hide nothing from God. We have found ourselves forced in a way to being honest with God and have managed to veil ourselves from our friends. We are Honest to God, but fooling our friends.

“God knows my heart”

True statement, but God never intended to be the only one who knows your heart (I know that sounds almost wrong, but hear me out). From the garden of Eden to present, we see all through out scripture the importance for us to not be alone or isolated. Adam realized this and God did as well. Eve was created to be more than just a physical partner. They were both created for each other to live, share, dream and after the fall, share their struggles together. I will not go into detail of others, but I challenge you to find one person in all of scripture where covering their struggles was good for them.

Yet we will still sit on that mismatched couch cushion holding on to our secrets that burden us down while hiding behind the empty comfort that since God knows my heart and intentions we will be fine. It is true that he knows your heart. He knows it better than you do. He alone is the one who truly knows your heart, but he wants our lives to be lived in community with others.

“Confess your sins to each other…share each others burdens”

“Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptations yourself. Share each others burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2 NLT)

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” (James 5:16 NLT)

Verses like these are pretty straight-forward. They contain action points and results. “Share each others burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” Hmm, that seems like a big deal. I don’t want to break the law of Christ. If confessing our sin to each other and praying for healing from that sin produces “wonderful results.” Get me in on that! Neither of these verses can be realized by ourselves. They call for vulnerability, trust, humility and….yes, other people to see your dirty laundry.

When we admit that we are broken

There is freedom in brokenness. We no longer have to keep up an image that we (and God) know is false. We no longer have to fear the unknown. Yes, the unknown of worrying how your friends will respond to you openly sharing your struggles is daunting, but knowing the truth that no temptation in our lives is isolated to us (1 Corinthians 10:13) offers comfort and should embolden us with courage.

You are sitting on a lumpy couch. Clothe yourself with the promises of God. After all, God knows your heart, and he want your friends to know it too.

-D

Last Minute Low-Tech gift ideas (batteries not needed)

If with every waking day you have the ever building stress of still needing to finish shopping for you kids, this post may be of some help to you. One thing that we as parents face every Christmas season is trying to find that balance between getting what our kids want and what they actually need. These items may not fit into either one of those extremes, but you may just find that they are happily nestled between the two. So without further rambling on my part here are my suggestions.

1. BIOGRAPHIES

Before you call me crazy for thinking that your kid will read a book that is not about video games, love-struck vampires, or games that involve hunger let me state my case. Biographies record the lives of magnificent people whom have actually lived. Many of the best biographies are about dead people. Reading about dead people can be a great thing. We are able to know two very important things about them. First, the great things that they did. Second, we can know if they finished their lives strong. There are many good biographies out there, but one suggestion that I highly recommend is the book pictured below. 7 short biographies of men dead and alive (mostly dead) that have done great things. (You may click on any of the images included in this post to take you to were you area able to purchase them online, or look at the caption to see where you can walk in and purchase)

available in the LBC bookstore

2. THE ACTION BIBLE

For boys (and girls) who like comic books, this book is a must. With over 750 color illustrations this Bible is the most complete picture Bible ever!

available in LBC bookstore

3. JOURNAL

A lot of the greatest minds that have ever lived all have one thing in common…they had a journal that was able to capture their thoughts, ideas, prayers, and doodles. This is a great gift idea for someone who loves to write. Moleskin is a great name and has been used by literary greats like Ernest Hemingway. They come in all sorts of sizes and designs.

available at Barnes & Noble

4. ‘WICKED GOOD’ SLIPPERS

I have had a pair of these since before Laura and I were married. L.L. Bean puts out nothing but quality. The best thing about these things is that they are backed by a 100% life-time warranty. Once they wear out, you can call up L.L. Bean and they will send you a replacement pair free of charge. They are pretty pricey, but they are the most comfortable slippers…period. They are available in different styles and colors.

available at L.L.Bean

5. DANGEROUS BOOK FOR BOYS / THE DARING BOOK FOR GIRLS

I have a copy of both of these books. They are filled with great info and step by step projects that encourage your child’s imagination and will get them outdoors. The books are designed in order for kids everywhere to reclaim the weekends by being outdoors.

available at Barnes & Noble