It is in the middle school years that so much change takes place. Physical, emotional, and relational changes take place at such an incredible pace. What used to be a high pitched little boy turns into a baritone voiced Young man over night. A sweet little girl transitions into a highly volatile concoction of inexplicable feelings (who still likes watching cartoons). A childhood friendship between two individuals of the opposite gender now takes a turn toward mutual attraction, or worse yet, only one sided attraction.
And as if matters could not worsen, throw in brain development. Middle Schoolers are shifting from concrete thinkers to becoming abstract thinkers. Their ability to process deep thoughts and emotions are developing. Developing, meaning that they will make mistakes with how they process and act upon this newly-realized ability. They need people to walk with them. Feeling isolated in these years is common (I remember it).
Isolation is the worst thing for middle schoolers. Cultivating an environment of trust is crucial. When someone gets to the moment that they realize they need to reach out and share what they are going through, there must be a net of trust beneath them.
Trust (as talked about in part 2), is established over time. There has been a lot of things in motion prior to someone sharing. First, and individual needs to identify something as a problem in their life. Second, they scroll through some of the people they feel they have the option to share this with. Next, they replay the possible outcomes of sharing. Will I be laughed at? Will my actions disgust them? What if they say nothing? Will they confirm my fear that I am the only one like me?
the moment of truth and trust
The moment of truth and trust (when someone shares). Does not have a given place that it takes place. It could be on a bus ride with your sports team. It could be in a bedroom at a sleepover. In the middle of home room, at a party, in a bathroom, on a retreat, over the phone…Sometimes one just reaches the point where they need to share or they feel like they will explode.
the moment of truth and trust (how to)
What do you do when someone determines YOU are the most trustworthy person, or the first person that they want to unload on? Here are five things to be mindful of
1. Is it life threatening?
If so? Get someone else involved immediately. If they are being harmed, or thinking of harming themselves, you are not the only person who needs to know. Your friendship may suffer, but their life is worth more than your friendship. Give them permission to be mad at you for a week, a month, or even a year. Get an adult involved (parents, teacher, pastor).
2. Listen, Listen, Listen…
A lot of times when someone first shares, they are not looking for you to talk. They themselves are hearing the words come out of their mouths for the first time in the presence of another person. James 1:19 informs us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. This is a good time to practice that nugget of wisdom.
3. Thank them.
The awkward time immediately following the heart gushing, be sure to thank them for trusting you to share what they did. Remaining silent is not helpful at this time. These simple words can go a LONG way.
4. Don’t try to be Mr./Miss. fix it.
A lot of times when someone drops a bomb (abstract phrase) on you, they are not initially looking for suggestions on how to make things right. Don’t try to fix it right then and there. Sit with them. Weep with them. journey with them.
5. Come up with a “plan of action” together.
Emphasize ” together”. Who else needs to be included in on this conversation if anyone? It may be that they just need you to be their accountability partner. But many times, it involves bringing other people into the conversation (parents, pastor, teacher, peer…)
the Word is the Word
So where in Scripture does all of this gush from?
Write Down the Middle 